19. Reflection from Screen
March 28th 2020, Saturday
Dear Blog,
I finished the last exam yesterday and was not as excited as I hoped I would be. On the plus side, I could finally spend more time reading and writing now, though at times it feels I’ve been stuck in a loop, a dream that I do not know how to wake up from. But I am grateful to be here. Ever since I moved out and started to live on my own, I can feel myself recovering from the loss of independence. With every passing day, I am getting stronger. One can only hope.
Shortly before the exam, I realized why this had not been working. I did not treat business with the respect it deserves. I mostly treat every topic with the stereotypical contempt as an artist, assuming money and business would be the death for us all. All it requires is a new perspective. The truth of the matter is business can offer some quite interesting insights as to how our world works. You can complain as much as you want, but this is the world we are living in right now. Might as well just do your best to learn the hidden mechanism to better prepare for the future.
Finished watching the documentary series Visible: Out on television. I originally thought it was going to be a stereotypical social justice puff piece, but ended up learning quite a few things.
The similarity between the AIDS crisis starting in America in the 80s is strikingly similar to coronavirus today. Back then people assume only gay people could have the disease even though it was not the case. In the beginning, people assume covid-19 was just a Chinese thing. Perhaps we deserved it for eating all the wild animals. But none of it changes the fact that we are all human beings connected with one another. Also striking to see was how people back then think gay people deserve to have HIV, another case of how certain diseases can be used to discriminate minorities further. The racism that came with covid-19 was not exactly a surprise in comparison. Couldn’t imagine what gay people would have to put up with back then. The uncertainty of a disease that seemed to only happen to them with no prospect of having a cure as well as a society that did not welcome them. But this was the part of where the power of protest comes in. The drug administration increased the funding for HIV treatment due to pressure from the public. That is something unimaginable in my country, using people’s voice to pressure the government to do something or anything for that matter. I am frankly sick of complaining about my own country in another language, though “complaining” by definition already contained a hint of judgment. I guess what I am trying to say is, shit happens all the time, and the government won’t be able to respond to people’s demands in a timely manner since resources are limited. But we need to find a way to let our voices be heard, to acknowledge that some needs are more pressing than the others, and decisions need to be made. It might seem aggressive to flare your needs to the public in my culture, demanding things from the world, but in troubled times, the current coronavirus crisis included, voicing our needs is about the only thing we can do. And to see such voices get silenced is rather aggravating.
Anarchists are right in their rejection of the existing social and political order and in their assertion that there can be nothing worse than the abuse of power. But they are profoundly mistaken when they think that anarchy can be brought about through revolution. Anarchy will be established, but only because there will be more and more people who will no longer need the protection of the power of the state, and more and more people who will be ashamed of being part of such a system.
— Leo Tolstoy
Another interesting theme about the documentary is about the power of representation. If you can see it on TV, you are normalizing it with humanity. It’s fascinating to see how back in the 60s positive portrayal of homosexuality was not allowed in the States due to censorship. In a way, my country is just like American in the 60s but stuck in time. I think one of the reasons that I am more likely to feel attracted to white men has something to do with media because growing up I did not have openly gay Chinese role models to look up to. All the gay literature and the media exposure I had was in English and mostly in the context of American culture. It was mentioned in the documentary how gay people of color have less representation than their white counterparts, perhaps unconsciously defining how we sexiness is defined. Asian masculinity is an intriguing topic that is worth more exploration. For feminism to work, men have to be included in the conversation. If men feel pressured to maintain a certain image and fend off vulnerability, real progress in gender equality cannot happen.
We need to see ourselves reflected on the screen so we can process our experience, to feel less alone, to feel validated. Still long a to go, but never too late to start.
