Loops

January 9th, 2022

Sunday

Sometimes I wonder if all the expats have their unique feedback loops that keep them blind from certain things. I also wonder if breaking the loops is something worth doing.

Take the old friend of this blog Madeline for example. She was quite adamant of not returning to China in the future, though she could not use the gay card like I would. I did not push her for details even though I had many opportunities, because she gave me “I don’t want to talk about my trauma that’s why I ran away to the other side of the planet” kind of energy. The expats/immigrants that went away from their home country with this type of reason tend to bond over the cruelty of the past as well as the beauty of the present, though that is a gross simplification, because I have heard Madeline’s complaints about her new chosen home for more than a handful of time. It seems that trauma is like a tinted glass, a filter that you put on to see the world, and no matter where you go it will follow you around. Yet most people don’t want to change their filter. Do I point that out to Madeline? I most certainly do not. I listen to her complaints knowing that this is her process. And many people choose the same process to enjoy their life in the new country.

I also have quite a few friends in the States who just enjoy posting the injustice of my home country on a 24/7 loop as if to celebrate their new found insights and freedom, exposing the world of its ugliness is the best use of such celebration. I find it hard to join because I don’t know what I can do to end the injustice. Suppose there are some petitions to sign or some actionable bill that could be passed to actually improve the situation, I would then gladly join the walk, because a protest without an end goal and an actionable step to get there is not something I would like to be a part of. But many people would jump on the complain train with zero intention to actually improve anything. What even is the point if the only thing that is being soothed is your ego?

These are the words of an immature young man who is still trying to find his place in this world. I hope when he does, he could then open his eyes and ears for more ways to understand they way we form feedback loops within our communities and ways to prevent us from becoming blind. For now, I complain as well, without saying any words out lot but keep them to myself, unless an actionable step presents itself to me.

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