Cause and Effect
People who study hypnosis start to view humans as moist machines that are simply responding to inputs with programmed outputs. No reason is involved beyong limiting the most absord options.
— Scott Adams
I read these words this morning and had an epiphany moment.
According to Scott, reason is not the primary drive of behavior, but cause and effect, input and output. Humans are more like moist programmable machines. We would like to think that we are rational beings who responded to all the noises in the world’s demand in careful consideration, we are not.
It stuck with me because I finally understand why I run away from people, particularly people who are nice to me. I am not exaggerating to say that I consider myself to be a nice guy. It shouldn’t come as a surprise when people in my life tell me they want to hang out with me or have coffee or something of a benign nature. I am also really bad with compliments, meaning the moment someone gives me a compliment about a certain part of me, I have a tendency to avoid meeting that person.
Input: people being nice to me
Output: run away
Everything between input and output is missing, just like a machine. Rationally I know that all of these people mean well, yet I still responded in this way.
It may have something to do with my childhood. My parents can be very encouraging and responsive when I did something that pleased them yet incredibly cruel when I did not. I believe I have associated good things as bad because if the people who are so close to you are capable of being so cruel to you, how could you ever trust their good words? Particularly when you were just a child with natural urges to crave your parents’ approval. But when their approval came I disapprove of their approval, thinking it was just a one-time thing. The moment I did something they don’t like I would be hated and despised, even physically punished.
Input: compliments from parents, feel good
Output: Fear and dread, thinking I have to keep doing this, otherwise they would abandon me
See the similarity? I know it is so stupid. I am an adult with self-awareness and my reason, so why do I keep doing this? Scott gave me an explanation. We are just like machines, responding to inputs with designated outputs.
But how can I break this cycle? Isn’t that the million-dollar question.
I guess the first step is to always start with awareness. The tricky part is you don’t know if you are being aware or not. For example, sometime when friends send me messages I would just panic a little and don’t want to respond right away. That may seem trivial, but that is already the pattern kicking in.
Input: message from a friend, completely friendly without a hidden agenda
Output: scared
Once you recognize you are creating the same old output, just breathe. Once the emotions settle down, I suspect fear and shame have a huge role in this, remind yourself to pick a better path. That is all we can do in life, really.
Take a chance. Have adventures.
